January 2010
19 posts
“I’M MARRYING A GUY WITH GLASSES, A LIP RING, A HEADSET, AND STRIPED SOCKS...”
– to myself, re: some guy named andy, i guess? and he plays a tuba? i don’t know, we got engaged through Twitter.
“MUST DENY URGE TO BAKE PIE!”
– to myself. i don’t really want to work on my thesis :/
“IT’S LIKE FLANNEL PANTS WITHOUT A CROTCH.”
– to my friends, re: her incredibly long socks.
“THIS IS BULLSHIT. WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELF!? I KNOW READING IT IS JUST...”
– to my friends, re: Cosmo magazine
“I’M GONNA BE A DWARF PRINCESS. I’M GONNA BE THE PRETTY PRETTY...”
– to my brother, re: my character next time I play Dragon Age: Origins
“I DON’T TRUST CLUNKY MILK.”
– to my mom. i threw out buttermilk because i thought it had gone bad. she claims all i needed to do was shake it and it would be fine, it’s “supposed” to look like that.
“IS IT FORKS? LIKE A CRATE OF FORKS?…I’D HAVE PREFERRED THE FORKS.”
– to my mom, re: a box thing that i had to put my summer clothes away in. a tad late.
“VERY GOOD, YOU REPEATED WHAT I JUST SAID. TEN POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR.”
– to my brother, who also called the Yule Log stupid
“NO, THAT IS NOT AN ENDORSEMENT. THAT’S JUST STUPID.”
– to my mom, re: the Yule Log, which she is obsessed with. it was on Ellen.
“NO, I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER WE DON’T HAVE ANY FLOORS.”
– to my mom. i answered a telemarketer call from a carpet cleaning service, and when i hung up my mom said i should have told her we don’t have any carpets.
“MY SOUTHPOLE SNEAKERS ARE MORE “GANGSTUH” THAN MY HAT IS.”
– to my mom, who complained that my baseball cap makes me look “like a gangstuh.” that’s her having a Queens accent, mind you, not referring to me as the colloquial term “gangsta.”
“I MEAN BESIDES THE FACT THAT I ACCIDENTALLY TAPED THE SPANISH CHANNEL.”
– to my dad, re: a tv show that i taped that wasn’t what i thought it was.
“MY DWARF WAS ALL “OH, I’M BADASS, TAKE ME WITH YOU, I’M A...”
– to my mom, re: Dragon Age: Origins
“I’M TALKING TO MYSELF AND MY PARTY MEMBERS KEEP EXPLODING.”
– to my mom, re: Dragon Age: Origins
“THE AIRPLANE WILL EXPLODE IN A FIERY RAIN OF COOKIES!”
– to my sister. she’s bringing cookie dough on her flight, and my mom said that it has to go in checked luggage or else they’ll think it’s plastic explosives.
“I PUT THE BELT ON THE PANTS. AND I PUT THE PANTS ON HER!”
– to/with my sister. a modification of a line from Titanic.
“YOU SHOULD EXPECT THE SPANISH INQUISITION ABOUT YOUR URINE.”
– to my brother. my sister yelled at him for forgetting to flush; his response was “i didn’t expect some kind of Spanish Inquisition.”
“I DON’T NEED TO WRITE ON HIS WALL. HE’S IN THE OTHER ROOM. I COULD...”
– to my dad, about Facebook, which is still telling me to reconnect with my brother.
“THE SLEEVES MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WIZARD! BUT LIKE, A POOP WIZARD.”
– to my friends. i was wearing a snuggie (much to my shame), and it is a brown snuggie. hence, a Poop Wizard.