December 2010
11 posts
3 tags
“IF IT’S A HITCHCOCK MOVIE THAT MEANS THAT THE CHICK IS GONNA DIE,...”
– i’m not actually right, it turned out to be North by Northwest
3 tags
“YOU MIGHT HAVE CONSIDERED DOING THAT BEFORE 5PM ON NEW YEAR’S EVE.”
– to my mom, who just asked my brother to find all the new year’s decorations for the party tonight. our attic is impossible and the party starts in 2 hours.
4 tags
“WELL, POKEY’S UP HERE, YOU COULD CHEW ON POKEY.”
– to my sister. i bought her chew toys for christmas that look like gumby and pokey. and she was looking for gumby.
4 tags
“TELL HER TO TAKE A DOG SLED. NO, WAIT. TELL HER TO TAKE A CAT SLED.”
– to my sister, re: her friend who couldn’t get to our house because her car was plowed in by all the snow we got on monday.
4 tags
“MOM, THE NOSE DOUCHE DIDN’T WORK.”
– i’m sick. i can’t smell anything and therefore can’t taste anything. i bemoan this a lot since Christmas is tomorrow and i want to eat. so my mom suggested nasal irrigation.
3 tags
dad came home from a masons meeting with a comedy...
Me: "DAD. I THINK THAT ON YOUR CHIN IS SOME MOLD. THERE'S MOLD GROWING. I HAVE SOME PENICILLIN IF YOU WANT.
Dad: It's a small furry animal.
Me: "NO, NO THAT'S MOLD. THERE ARE NO ANIMALS THAT LOOK LIKE THEY'VE GROWN AT THE BACK OF A FRIDGE."
1 tag
“IT’S AN UNIDENTIFIED PHARMACIST.”
– to my sister, re: her phone call.
3 tags
“IT’S COVERED IN GOLD. AND HAUNTED BY GOD.”
– to my sister, re: the Ark of the Covenant in Raiders of the Lost Ark
3 tags
“I CAN’T HANDLE IT, MY LIFE IS TOO EXISTENTIAL. WHERE’S MY LIP GLOSS.”
– to my sister. i had some serious deja vu while getting ready for a party and couldn’t deal.
4 tags
another cross-room conversation
Dad: "Have you ever heard of..."
Me: "YES?"
Dad: "Love Canal?"
Me: "NO. THAT SOUNDS KIND OF GROSS."
Dad: "Google it. Google Love Canal"
Me: "THAT'S A BAD IDEA. MY SAFE SEARCH IS OFF."
Mom: "Sara. Take your mind out of the gutter. And Google it."
Me: "IT'S NOT EVEN ME. IT'S JUST THE INTERNET."
4 tags
“IT’S CATHETER SANTA! THAT’S HIM!”
– to my brother. my mom treated a guy in the hospital who looked exactly like santa….and then found out that he actually plays santa at the mall. she said something to me about him having a catheter, but it wasn’t like a REAL catheter, it was something for his heart problem. like an artery...